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Listed: Gavin McInnes + Eugene Mirman

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Dusted Features

Every Friday, Dusted Magazine publishes a series of music-related lists compiled by our favorite artists. This week: Gavin McInnes (of Vice's Do's and Don'ts) and New York comic Eugene Mirman.

Listed: Gavin McInnes + Eugene Mirman

Gavin McInnes

Gavin McInnes is a complete asshole who ostracizes everyone he speaks to and dresses like a fucking idiot. He is richer than shit, however, and divides his time between his home in Costa Rica and his apartment in New York.

Um, what else? He was born just outside of London in 1970, played in a bunch of crappy punk bands like Anal Chinook and Leatherassbuttfuk, did a comic book called Pervert for several years and started up Vice Magazine in Montreal in 1994 with Suroosh Alvi and Shane Smith. His new book, DOs & DON'Ts, 10 Years of Vice Magazine's Street Fashion Critiques, is available now from Warner Books. Go to viceland.com/dosanddonts

10 Things About Punk Bands:
1. Bow Wow Wow
When you're young and punk you want to like Discharge and GBH because they're tough and cool and everything but deep down you really only like poppy stuff like Bow Wow Wow and X-Ray Spex. Andy why not? You barely have pubes at 15 and you're supposed to enjoy a cacophony like Napalm Death? You might as well feed a unicorn bottle tokes.

2. Television
Fuck that band. That's one of those bands you say you like but haven't listened to in years. You know why? They are B O R I N G.

3. Skrewdriver
As racist as they wanna be and as funky too. These guys used blues riffs and old school rock and roll with such finesse you'd think you were listening to an angry Chuck Berry.

4. Richard Hell and the Voidoidsb
Great name. Great look. Shit, it was Richard Hell that came up with the whole "Please Kill Me" thing but have you ever listened to those shitstains? When he starts crying and whining "Only time can write a song that's really really real"? You're like, "Can someone please put this dying fag out of his misery?"

5. Generation X
While all those British 70s punk bands were screaming about the Queen and the oppressive class system Billy Idol and the boys show up with coiffed hair and expensive clothes and start singing about romance and pants. They were upper middle class dandies that nobody respected and I love them for that.

6. The Undertones
For some reason, every time someone talks about the history of punk they mention bands that have nothing to do with it. Sorry but the Talking Heads were literally a bunch of art fags. I don't care if they played CBGBs. Same with the Undertones. Those guys were pure AM radio pop. They should be on Nickelodeon. I mean, I loved them but they were not even a little punk.

7. Sid Vicious
Pathetic. Like Guitar Wolf, Sid Sings sounds like a bunch of drunk uncles climbed on to the stage between sets and started belting out songs they barely remember. Get off the fucking stage and go die (oh yeah, he did).

8. Crass
The great thing about Crass is the sheer variety of their work. From the pranks they played as soft rock crooners "Creative Recording And Sound Services" to the sheer noise of "Do They Owe Us a Living." They may have been a bit self-righteous but at least they were never boring. In fact, Vice's "Worst Issue Ever" was actually based on Christ - The Album wherein Steve Ignorant et al purposely set out to ostracize their fans by making the most unlistenable album imaginable.

9. The Stranglers
You know the best thing about The Stranglers? Whenever they got a bad review they would pile into the car, drive over to the guy's house, and kick his head in. Why don't people do shit like that anymore? Whatever happened to hate?

10. The Clash
Anytime you meet a band you invariably learn something about them you don't like and then - whomp - you can never listen to them again. The only exception to that rule is Joe Strummer. We interviewed him in the magazine and couldn't believe how fucking funny he is. He even insisted on helping out with the DOs & DON'Ts column and I can honestly say nobody has ever done a better job.

Eugene Mirman

Many of you have (hopefully) seen Eugene Mirman perform as the opener to the pants-peeingly funny Stella comedy troup, with whom he has toured for over a year. Unlike the pee/poop humor of Stella, Mirman's comedy is more of an experiment in free-association observations, followed by outlandish resolutions. His funniest moments, however, come with his more absurd asides - "I'm from Russia originally. A lot of the stereotypes are true - all we eat are cold tears...and as a Jew you can't even have your own tears!" or "If you're walking down the street, it is never funny to pick up a child and run...even for five feet." You may also recognize Mirman from his website (www.eugenemirman.com), which features horrifying videos of "the crooning child."

Mirman's debut album, The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman is now available on Suicide Squeeze records, and Eugene will be on tour with Stella sporadically throughout the year, starting with two weeks in the Midwest and East Coast.

1. Lou Reed, John Cale, Nico ó Le Bataclan í72
A live concert the three of them did in France in 1972 that was recently released. Itís all piano and guitar and vocals. Incredible slow versions of "Iím Waiting For My Man" and "Wild Child." The Velvet Underground is one of my favorites (only 1000 people bought their records, but those who did started bands, except for me) and I am a sucker for all the re-releases of the same songs in different versions ó "Sweet Jane" recorded while they were on fire using birds instead of guitars! In an underwater cave one thousand feet below New York City! While teaching math! Iíll buy it. But this in fact is a great album. Itís a lot of songs you may or may not know, done in a slow, cool way. Itís great.

2. Louis C.K.
Heís one of the funniest standups working today. He has such a great way of taking a simple idea and beating the shit out of it. You should get his album or see him live. He also wrote and directed Pootie Tang.

3. 15 Years of Merge Ė Old Enough To Know Better
A fantastic compilation. If a compilation could have a great ass ó this would be it. I rarely enjoy a compilation so much. Iíve never completely paid attention to what bands were on what label (I thought everyone was on Matador until 1998, but this isnít true, some bands are on Thrill Jockey and Sub Pop), but it turns out that many of my favorite bands are on Merge. Plus the bands I didnít really know about are awesome. (Sorry Butterglory and The Essex Green, I didnít know about you, but look forward to buying your albums).

4. White Hassle
A fantastic band. I saw them in Boston like eight years ago and fell in love with their first album. I recently got the Watertank E.P. and canít stop listening to it. (As an immigrant, I am not allowed to). They have a new record, The Death Of Song, that just came out. Country plus turntables plus rock and roll and charm make for fantastic records and a bewitching live show. Not to mention, the lead singer understands how special Asians are, but unlike Rivers Cuomo, never sings about it.

5. Coyle and Sharpe
They are a comedy team from the early sixties. They did man on the street prank stuff. Itís amazing. Itís unlike any of the prank stuff today. Itís much weirder and smarter. They ask people if they can rob their houses, erase their knowledge of language and replace it with a new language they sell them, if they would consider having a nine foot man, the ďHuman LeechĒ, attached to them for weeks feeding off of them. The way they get people ensnared in these conversations is incredible.

6. Robyn Hitchcock / Soft Boys
Probably my favorite musician. In certain ways he has influenced me as much as any comedian. Ever since I discovered his wonderfully absurd, sincere music as a kid, it cheered me up. Heís often described as eccentric, but I donít really think so. Much of his music is direct, though a bit odd, but often pretty. "She Doesnít Exist" is one of my favorite songs. I Often Dream Of Trains, Storefront Hitchcock, Underwater Moonlight are great albums that will help you go from being a boy, to becoming a man, and then finally a deer.

7. Imperial Teen ó On
I saw them at SXSW a few years ago. If you could be arrested for putting out catchy, great music, Imperial Teen would risk being subjected to the brutality of Guantanamo Bay. Itís a great record from start to finish.

8. Diamonds
A great New York band. I donít think they have an album out yet, but I think they have a deal and soon will. Itís like what the Cars would sound like if they were really great. (Wait! The Cars are really great! How great does this band sound then?! Really, really great). They are also handsome, so girls will enjoy trying to have sex with them. Good luck ladies!

9. Morphine
So good. Like everybody, there are certain bands or albums that define a part of my life for me. Appetite for Destruction is one for me and Kornís something or other record probably was for somebody, but itís unlikely. Underwater Moonlight was another for me. And Cure For Pain was, too. Morphine was the soundtrack to my college experience. And will soon be the soundtrack to your first divorce, child, or start-up.

10. Langhorne Slim
An incredibly fun and charming performer. He is one of the only people Iíve ever seen live and loved right away. Heís a cross between somekind of country/bluegrass/blues thing and something else. (I know that is a bad description ó but there is a reason ó I am bad at describing music. Let me just say that he is a cross between Jonathan Richman, Beverly Hills Cop and chicken satay). Itís lively and beautiful and catchy. Langhorne has a fantastic old style (what I imagine traveling musicians were like in the middle ages) with a 1940ís hat and a modern indie-rock sensibility that makes him wonderful.

By Dusted Magazine

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