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Emerson Dameron’s Top Ten 50 Cent Beefs of 2007Unless you’re backed by billions of pounds and an enormous fanbase of spoiled nerds, it’s going to be harder and harder to stay relevant in the music business… unless you’re willing to get in the ring with Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. He’s cultivated a reputation as a master strategist – 48 Laws of Power author Robert Greene is ghostwriting his first how-to book – but 2007 found him hardly invulnerable. If you’re going to challenge 50, it would be wise to remember those who went before you, enumerated in this handy clip ‘n’ save list… 1. Dipset  The most fascinating and weirdly depressing 50 beef involved the troubled Harlem MC Cam’ron and his rapidly disintegrating clique. Before it fizzled, it inspired a confusing Slate piece and a short-lived blog. 2. Kanye West  There’s not a lot to say about this KO that wasn’t said better by the smartest man in hip-hop journalism. Money was made – not Radiohead money, but enough money to keep that gym membership active until the next sugar-water endorsement. Nevertheless, long before the sales figures were finalized, 50 seemed to have lost most of his steely resolve. Always a bit too quick to engage in embarrassing feuds, he began beefing with everyone on the radar. 3. Jimmy Iovine  A lot of people resent their bosses. But most people as smart as 50 go to the Christmas party, refill their beer cans with water, and collect blackmail material. 4. Li’l Wayne  Sorry, but Weezy is massively overrated. He writes like a second grader. He raps like he’s constipated. And yet, 50 couldn’t think of anything stronger than a gay joke. 5. Europe  He cancelled an Old World tour in some sort of a huff. Meanwhile, Jay-Z began flashing Euros instead of dollars. 6. Iran  Can’t really blame Curtis for this one. Some governments have no sense of humor. 7. MTV  Too $hort will be happy to note that people still get excited by the word ”bitch.” 8. Lance Bass  Bass survived being a teen idol and then embracing his homosexuality in public. He extricated himself from a business venture with the creepiest man in the world. This one will leave 50 weakened. Time to jump in. 9. Wooden Wand  After a harsh but reasonable online critique of James Toth’s sloppy, solipsistic LP James and the Quiet, he received many snarling, defensive kilobytes of e-mail. 10. Weasel Walter  After being laid out by Kanye, 50 briefly scrapped with the notoriously “difficult” Flying Luttenbachers/To Live and Shave in L.A. legend over which of them had the more charming entitlement complex. Currently stalemated, but no one holds a grudge like the Weasel. By Emerson Dameron
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View all articles by Emerson Dameron